Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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