Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
