Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
