I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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