youre lurking in front of me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
