I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
