Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
