okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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