Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
COCAINE IS GR8
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
