I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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