i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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