Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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