The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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