idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
