i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
