Where are you?
In a non slutty way
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize