i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
