i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
