When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
