Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
