hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
