She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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