im having a threesome with these popsicles
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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