Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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