do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize