So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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