Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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