It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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