Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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