ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
