I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
