Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
