...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Text me some of your sweat
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
