he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
