You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize