I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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