I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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