i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is classic penis vs brain.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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