piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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