There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize