I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
