big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
