I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
