Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize