I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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