My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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