i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
