remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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