So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
