Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
