i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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