The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
