dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
from now on my penis is your penis
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
