Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
