Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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