I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
