Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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