she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
