i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
