she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
