We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
