Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
nutella sex= disaster
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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