She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
A+ Viking dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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