you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize