You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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