Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
its liver damage thursday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
