he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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