the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize