I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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