Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
