there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
