After last night, I could never be a politician.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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