I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
