the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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