i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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