do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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