Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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