New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
