her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize