The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
